Being “dominant” is a limited resource for me. I am very good at my job. So much so, that on my 90 day review I was promoted to manager. St first, I was like no! I don’t want to give up tech to do boring stuff. But I still get to do tech work, engineering, projects; but they want me to turn the ship around, lead the team.
Admittedly I’ve done so much research during the Thanksgiving break. I basically have studied leadership fir 7/10 of the wake time since Wednesday afternoon 😅.
Leadership is a skill I don’t consciously have. I am great at inspiring others but never by intention. Now I have to turn around negative perspectives and a bare minimum viewpoint into something inspiring.
My car is dead. I used to focus on the negative more, I'm grateful I am grateful, It's positive that I can see the positive in things.
My transportation is gone.
So I can wake up later because there's no driving to work, I have time to get the oven, washer, and other things fixed, I have time to clean, No traffic, Can work out at home, no travel time, Can work on improving written communication at work, Less reliance on my charisma abd magnetism with in person charm. I get to work from home.
Not going to think: My dad called yesterday to say he wanted to get it repaired or buy me a new car, Talked to my 'sister' abd changed his mind, I have inclinations on that. 🤔
That I can't go out and explore nature without a car.
Working from home uses more electricity. The house I am living in has a severe electrical problem. The first months electricity was $400!!!
That if I didn't leave Colorado, I'd still have my beautiful, RELIABLE Subaru Outback touring, That cost me 3000 to sell.
My sister had turned on me, after I shipped all my stuff, resigned my job, abd bought tickets.
That I had no trust in the car. But the law of attraction.... What if my thoughts on how much I didn't trust the car caused it to break. 😅🤣
That all the heartbreak, hurt and trust, has led me to how amazing I've become, abd led me to wonderful things like meeting Nick. Possibly being friends with Sebastian? 🤣 Beautiful souls like Toni, Steve, Keri. Thus job where I can make a huge difference. Back home where I can enjoy the beach, when I can get there.
Etc.
On overthinking:
Has had profound benefits of self reflection, progress, inspiration, and healing.
Side effects of occasional sleep loss and stress,
Today, luckily, sleep loss isn't an issue- due to working from home.
Must work on this for when I have to get uo at 4:30 am
On trust:
Hmm this one is still being worked on. I was focused on getting hurt. A very wonderful friend reminded me their is more than one form of trust. He said that he trusts people who look out for themselves. 😅 I asked him if that meant he didn't trust me, because I haven't quite gotten there yet.
He called me in a panic, apologizing, saying he didn't want to lose our friendship. I did mean it entirely in a reflection, self improvement way, So cute though, so sweet. I forgot why I liked him so much. One of my favorite memories of Colorado was meeting Zach and the awesome adventures.
I believe the panic that ensues from fear if this one aspect if trust where I'm shaky on is unhealthy,
I gave trusted too easily before and have been advised to not do that, So it feels like going from 100 to a 2-10 depending on the day.
But these are my own perspective, that keeps evolving.
I wonder what is a healthy level of trust? Because either way I've gotten hurt or possibly hurt others. This year has changed a lot. Quest continues...
Inspiration 