He didn’t really care, turns out. He wanted to keep what we had fur 2 days, saying it was too special to throw away. Then he threw it away.
Update: as usual, I overblew all of this. He wasn’t hurt, he was happy. I got hurt 😆 because I hurt myself. Tsk tsk gotta learn what to do with this huge heart.
I have been in agony trying to fix a mistake I made. It’s not an excuse that I was so vulnerable at the time, my best friend straight up ghosted me when my mom had 2 weeks to live, (she has died); and that is not justification to have created a situation that causes harm to someone else. I cannot find a way to not cause this person harm….
About a half hour ago, I broke down in tears, about this mistake I mades. I did not consider the other person’s feelings at the time, I entered into something for very wrong reasons. I hate that I did this.
Still crying, I decided to Google how to do what I need to do to not hurt someone. The first article I read said not to do everything that is true for me. Here was my reply:, “This article made it more confusing for me, because all those things you said not to do, happen to be 100% true for me.
I am a very strong Empath. I feel everything someone else feels. I entered into the sitiation the same day my best friend ghosted me and my mom was dying…. Which is not an excuse to cause another person harm. I do genuinely love and care about this person and I hate myself for causing this. I am to blame. This person is going through hell too, even worse than me… I know I’m at the lowest point in my life and I’m not ready to be in a relationship, I need to be alone to heal myself. Im in so much agony for causing this, I’ve been trying to find the kindest way possible that holds true to my values: -to cause no harm -never lie. I realize that I need this for myself, (I have no experience putting myself first either, ever…. But I know I need to learn for self care.)
This is killing me to have to hurt someone. Tonight I just broke down in tears, agonizing over the harm it will cause. This person has is innocent of everything, I am the one who is to blame for all of it… Factually. I’m not blaming myself for something I am not responsible for, I caused this.
What this person, who I really care for and love has done is be consistent, supportive, and anything I ask of him, he tries so hard to do. I’m trying to rectify my horrible mistake and not cause hurt. I’m still crying over being such an asshole and causing this. Is there any advice…. For this?”
So that’s my current state right now, 11:36 pm, 9.19.21. I find my actions unforgivable. And I’m still crying.
9.11.21. I am feeling worse this morning . I feel like it is a bad person for saying yes when I wasn’t ready. My actions will cause some hurt. For now I’m unable to forgive myself.
Inspiration 