- 9.12.21. Damage as of when this former best friend (will refer to at M) did what he did.
- Lost trust in anything and everything
- Lost trust in people I’ve known for a long time that I trusted and haven’t ever let me down.
- Lost all trust in myself. (My intuition is usually right but I had no idea this was coming. I didn’t see this in him….
- Healing 9.12.21
- stoicism is helping.
- slowly actively trying to rebuild trust in long term friends that I always trusted, one at a time. It’s actually been very hard. Opening up one bit at a time. One piece of vulnerability at a time. Not Trusting new people is totally ok. It’s not okay to have lost the ability to trust my real friends.
9.12.21. I wonder if it can be trust to accept when someone makes a promise and also don’t expect them to keep it. How I am now is so much different than the way I’ve always been.much more complicated.
9.12.21 I keep discovering new damage from what happened with ex friend. Somehow…. Illogically, he broke me in ways that not even abuse or other past hurt has. I will rebuilt but come on.
- I Am currently not able to trust anyone. Including friends I’ve known and trusted for years.
- My attachment style has changed. I was anxiously attached, now I’m more abxious-avoidant! He made the worse. That basically means that I crave connection but push it away because I can’t trust.
Interesting development. I recalled when the ex friend told me… “Sandy….. Don’t push me away okay.?” And “Sandy, are you putting up walls to protect yourself?” I said yes. He said something to tell me I was safe with him, deleted it, don’t remember. For 30 seconds I was able to feel anger but it’s back to compassion.
My friend, who has been there through everything fir 6 years or so, texted to check up last night and offer support. Fear gripped me and I realized I didn’t trust him either…..
Inspiration 