Perspective

Nick dumpd me on Valentine’s day. First of my mom’s birthdays after her death. After I come to visit him.

He has all these stipulations if I want to fix the relationship.

This morning, I just wanted reassurance. I was feeling very insecure. So I texted him. This is what I need to make amends for.

I’m trying to see perspectives. I guess he doesn’t feel bad for breaking my heart, for rejecting me after I come to visit, while in the same week wanting me to give up everything and move in with him…. He doesn’t feel bad for dumping me on Valentine’s day. Or damaging my ability to trust anyone.

He has tons of relationships so I guess this is the dark side of polyamory. It’s less impactful to get rid of one when there’s an obstacle if you have so many more.

I’m really considering listening to Alex and getting a car, getting to the airport, and cutting him out of my life. I trusted him, he was my safe place. I love him. It’s so damn awkward here now, and I feel like an absolute fool for believing him and trusting him, for being here at all. Fuckkkkk 😥 happy bloody Valentine’s day.