And I’ll be back in a month.
Nick paid for me to fly up to California to stay with him for a month, and my job is letting me work from there.
I’m in the airport bar, because I’m 1.5 hours early. I have memory association with this airport and my friend who ghosted me.
I don’t understand how you become really close to someone, and you just leave without any explanation. I do not understand ghosting. I don’t even do it to someone I go out with one time.
I’ve been missing him a lot lately. Up til now, there hasn’t been sadness, only gratitude. Right now, at the airport, there are tears.
My friend who I love with all my heart, he loves to travel. After I met him, I was flying back to Colorado from Hawaii, and TSA had just confiscated this perfume my dying mother had bought me for my birthday. I lost it, I was bawling. She was in hospice and didn’t have a lot of time left.
He talked to me the whole time, sent me poems. And every day after that. Admittedly, some of his poetry was dark. I could tell he was in a lot of pain when he had written them. But it showed me his soul. It was beautiful.
He said we saw each other naked before clothed or something to that effect. Not literally; in terms of vulnerability. My mom was dying, and he said he shared more with me than most people he’s known for awhile.
I love introverts in general, and he was very very introverted. It meant a lot that he said that, because I “wasn’t people” to him …. He didn’t need a break from talking to me (then) to recharge.
Reflecting on this, I completely broke down crying. I realized, perhaps, because he didn’t know he needed to take breaks from me, it permanently broke our friendship. This still hurts so much.
This is the first time I’ve cried about losing Matt in months though, which is good. I’m going to look awful when Nick picks me up.
I told Nick all of this. I love that I can tell Nick everything.
I have to somehow heal from this airport associated trauma if I want to achieve my goal of traveling the world.
Inspiration 