There’s a lot that I’ve been thinking about but I found when I don’t write it down, it’s not as impactful.

I wish I knew what an amazing person Alex was while I’m still with him, I wouldnt have thrown away what we had. He’s the most generous, thoughtful, sweet person, and I lost out on that. He is still an amazing friend though.

I have decided to stay in hawaii, I found my connection here. I had woken up very early in the morning, 2:00 a.m. and went for a hike up the Hanauma Bay trail. It was there I had an epiphany, where else in the United States could I hike at 2:30 in the morning in January, and it is so beautiful. As long as I’m in nature, Hawaii is magical. I lost my car for a while, so I wasn’t able to get in nature, and that caused a lot of depression.

First day back at work, not happy about not working from home anymore. I am going to California next week to spend a month with Nick though, I miss the cuddles, I miss him. He’s being deployed this year and I’ve been through it with David but it’s different this time, I just got to be here for him if he needs someone.