Happy New Years and Hope You Had a Wonderful Christmas

As we are about to ring in 2022, I assess how far I've come and how I've changed. 

Beautiful Christmas dinner with my friend Alex. He really has turned out to be a wonderful friend. My house got broken into, he's trying to help me secure it. I ended up cooking all day yesterday, and he came and finished up the rest.

We watched a new Matrix, he thought it'd be funny because it's terrible. I just like that spending time with him, but I miss cuddles.

Matt emailed me, the one who shattered my world earlier this year. He said "Merry Christmas sandy, the word I was thinking of was fiduciary." I was like, "say  what?" I didn't think he got to me, because at the time I didn't react much. But I woke up thinking about him, I don't know when that will ever stop. 

The resolution that I made on January 1st, to work out, I kept. I work out almost every day, I've lost a ton of weight, I'm a size medium now. I was a size 22 before I started. I look pretty damn amazing, and I'm proud of it.

My boyfriend nick, who moved to California, wants me to come live with him. No paying rent or bills, it's very tempting. Especially after the break-in, but moving from into Hawaii is expensive. I would have to leave my stuff here, and with the break-in, it's scary. My house was robbed, my bag was stolen and some electronics. It was so easy, they just took out the jealousies and came in. Alex is trying to help me reinforce the windows. I'm getting an alarm system put in and security cameras. It's actually quite terrifying, to know someone can come in so easily. I was raped last year, and it is scary.

I know it's not thanksgiving, but I am thankful for Alex and Nick. They are almost the only two people I trust in the world. Which brings me to that goal, don't trust so easily, right? Turns out I trust almost no one, which is the other side of unhealthy. But it's just the way the year has gone. My friend Zach from Colorado, told me there's a lot of types of trust. I trust people at work with my stuff, they don't steal. But I wouldn't trust him with the secret. The one I trusted at work, turned out to be a very bad friend, and I'm very bad coworker. He drinks at work, think it's okay, and he's my resource for projects that I manage. I reported to HR and the president, they don't care. They have let this go on for 8 months, him drinking and them sweeping it under the rug. He's unreliable, he doesn't show up half the time, you never know when he's going to just not show up. And they expect me to manage projects with him as my resource.

I'm seriously loyal, and I take too long to leave a situation. I have updated my resume, but I've not sent it out as much as I would if didn't have the job. I loved it so much, and it changed so quickly. 

I hope to be going to California in february, at least for a little while. Take a vacation, see Nick, get cuddles.