There’s another writing on here about my ex. He’s very special to me. Known him for years, met him in Hawaii when I came to visit my mom. The connection was instantaneous and magical. He definitely has a very sexy control over me. Unfortunately, the timing was terrible. Matt, my best friend who ghosted me and shattered my world, had ghosted me that day. I accepted my ex’s ask to be his girlfriend when IO was not ready and not thinking straight. I felt terrible about that. The first time in Hawai, he had broken my heart. I didn’t trust him. He wasn’t even in the same state for the first several months of the relationship. It was so easy to have walls up when it was long distance. By the time he got back, I had convinced myself I needed to break up with him. I didn’t want to get hurt again, and I had started the relationship under questionable circumstances that I felt terrible about. I owed it to him to say it face to face, with kindness and empathy. The way he reacted when I asked to “roll it back” (not be monogamous, but keep the connection) was amazing and beautiful. Suddenly, all the worries, fears, guards, and walls came down. I was there in the moment with him, while he held me and we talked. At the end of the night, he gave me the biggest hug and said that our connection was too special to throw away. At that moment, I knew I had fallen in love with him. He had given me the first computer he had built for me a few days after, a belated birthday present. He had customized it and put so much thought and heart into it, it was the most meaningful gift I had received to that date. He put an arcade with all my favorite games I played when I was growing up; every Super Mario imaginable. He put music for meditation and to help with my insomnia. I was blown away; in a state of pure bliss. Several days later he said he couldn’t see me because he met someone new. It hurt me deeply, but he was going through a really rough time and I was the one who ended the official relationship, so in this, I hurt myself.
Months later, I started hanging out with him again. I got to know a side of him I never knew existed. He has helped me so much. He built me 2 new, very fast computers, helped me start to declutter my mom’s house (it’s a borderline hoard house), clear out room for a desk, set up the desk, set up a sound system, buy and install a washer and dryer, save my bed when my room flooded, mount my tv, etc. Acts of service is my second love language after physical touch, and this is very sexy, He’s fucking brilliant. Very handy, and creative. He mounted my tv from the top of my closet and it is perfect. I already loved him, and now I’m absolutely head over heels in love with him. He doesn’t want to give me another chance. He won’t explain why. He won’t tell me why he changed his mind after saying what we had was too special to throw away, either. All I want for him is to be happy, and when I thought that this new girl he found would make him happy, I accepted that. But he’s not happy, and he deserves it so much. I miss him, we never actually got to give it a fair shot, and that’s entirely on me. He’s a great friend nonetheless, and the best sex I’ve ever had. 🙂
I am so fortunate to have a boyfriend that I can tell all this to and he is 100% supportive. I love Nick Nick and my ex are almost opposites except that they both care about me and want me to be happy.
Inspiration 